We are not thinking machines that feel; rather, we are feeling machines that think.
The quote above from Antonio Damasio is swirling around my brain these days. What does it mean that we, as humans, are not the “rational” decision makers we believe ourselves to be? How does this impact the way we support clients in mediation? How does this impact the way that we mediate?
I had the opportunity to present at the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation annual conference at the end of April. My presentation centered around my hypothesis that a mediator’s capacity to facilitate an effective mediation relies as much on the mediator’s ability to manage their emotions, as it does on supporting the parties in managing theirs. Meaning, the mediator needs to practice attuning to their internal state and managing their own nervous system response, in order to provide a satisfying experience for their clients.
As mediators we bring into the process our own values, perspectives, and triggers around conflict and communication. The choices we make in facilitating the process, including strategies and techniques for intervention, are guided largely by our own emotional state. When our trauma responses are activated, our interventions stem from our discomfort and triggers more than our conscious choice. To be present and engaged in service of our clients, mediators need to practice regulating ourselves.
My brain is definitely swirling as I dive deeper into learning about this topic. I hope to have an opportunity to talk to more folks, to share experiences, tools, and knowledge. I would love to know your thoughts.
