This year continues to be historically monumental, as the world navigates a global pandemic and Black and Brown people call for structural change in the face of systemic oppression and racism. I’m seeing in both my personal and professional networks many individuals reflecting on themselves and the world around them as we all try to find a way forward into a better future.

As I listen to the voices of individuals and groups calling for change and for justice, I keep thinking about accountability. What does it mean to be accountable? How do we teach, learn, and model accountability? How do we hold each other accountable? How do we hold individuals and institutions of power accountable?

As a parent I try to support my children in developing their own sense of accountability. To understand that their actions, choices, and behaviors impact other people. That they are responsible for the choices they make and the actions they take and need to be prepared to face the consequences of those choices and actions. And I also support them in developing the courage and confidence to hold others accountable. To stand up for themselves and ask others to take responsibility for the impact of their actions and choices, as well.

With my children I know that I don’t need to punish them in order to help them learn accountability. I don’t need to fabricate consequences for them to deal with. Life and relationships provide enough of that, if we allow ourselves to notice and to listen. If we allow ourselves to hear the voices of people who have been harmed or offended, that is the first necessary step toward accountability.

So many of us have been conditioned to avoid accountability at all costs. Maybe out of a fear of punishment. When someone calls us to task and tells us that we have caused harm or offense, many of us immediately become defensive and unable to really listen. Or maybe we start arguing, trying to deflect responsibility and change the focus to what the other person has done to harm us.

Right now I believe we are being called to deeply listen to the voices and experiences of people who have been systematically harmed by our social structures and way of life. We are being asked to take responsibility for our complicity in a system that disproportionately disadvantages Black and Brown people. We are being asked to engage in a re-visioning of our social contract and social structures. This moment holds so much potential, but it depends on our willingness to listen and accept our responsibility. To hold ourselves and each other accountable.

The photograph above shows my children marching at our most recent local Black Lives Matter demonstration. They know that we aren’t leaving home much these days because of the pandemic, but they also know that we are responsible for helping to create a better future, with more safety, justice, equity, joy, ease, and comfort for Black people. We do leave home to stand up for that.